(Read for the Vaginal Fantasy Hangout book club)
"In a series inaugural from Bangs (One Bite Stand), the Gods of the Night are incarnated for the first time in 65 million years, summoned to protect humanity from an all-encompassing evil that is coming in 2012, at the end of the Mayan calendar. While currently incarnated as deadly, handsome men, they have the ability to assume their prior forms—those of gigantic dinosaurs."
Anyone reading the above synopsis should immediately be able to identify both the appeal and strength of Eternal Pleasure, which is, in essence, its ridiculousness.
The thing is, the pretense of the sheer amount of ridiculousness crammed into this book might actually get you excited for it, if you're not the type of person who needs to take everything seriously. For example, please watch this book trailer for Eternal Pleasure and tell me that this book doesn't look awesomely bad.
In addition, this book contains:
1) A dinosaur-cum-stud hero who can assume the form of his prior incarnation (the dinosaur) when necessary
2) Character names like Ty (for Tyrannosaurus Rex), Al (for Allosaurus), Quetz (for Quetzalcoatlus), triplets named Utah, Rap, and Tor (for Utahraptor), and so on and so forth
5) Mayan calender lore
6) Amazing quotes such as, "If Helen of Troy’s face launched a thousand ships, then Fin’s smile was good for the launch of at least a million rockets." and, "His silver hair gleamed, and against the backdrop of the sparkling Houston lights, he looked like some cold, beautiful Christmas tree."
I'm mostly disappointed that the author didn't throw in any T-Rex jokes based on the T-Rex's stubby arms. There were some fun missed opportunities there, especially in the bedroom... [wiggles eyebrows]
My other big gripe was that the author chose to go with a Liopleurodon reincarnate (named "Lio") as her sea dinosaur rather than the much more badass Megalodon (she could have called him "Don!"). Again, another missed opportunity.
Anyway, the silliness factor brought this book up from a 1-star book to a 2-star book in my review, and if the author had really, truly *embraced* the silliness, I would have probably brought the rating up even higher.
But, since the author seemed to take this book somewhat seriously, I guess I have to as well. So, here's what you need to know:
***The plot is ridiculous and pretty much makes no sense. For example, Fin reincarnates all the dinosaur souls into (hot male) human beings, giving them an ESP-based crash course in everything they could possibly need to know about being human, except, for uh... how to drive? Seriously, he explains Dr. Who to them but not driving? He also forgets to tell them about vampires, for some reason, who are kind of a big deal in the book. Oh, and don't even get me started on the whole musical brain waves thing...
***Ty and the rest of the eleven dinosaurs, as well as some other characters, too (vampires, werewolves), were ALL alpha males. I mean, this book had so much alpha male in it, that it was exhausting. The whole book basically seemed like a penis measuring contest. (And you know what they say about guys with tiny arms [wiggles eyebrows]... see, Nina Bangs?! Missed opportunity.) Ty's alpha male reactions occurred about every single page, and more likely, about five times per page. It sure GOT OLD FAST.
***The love story wasn't believable (shock, gasp!). The characters fall in love in about two seconds, and I'm pretty sure that they actually just don't know the difference between love and lust. After about a week of knowing Ty, Kelly is also ready to throw her entire life away for him. Damn, dinosaurs sure move fast... I'd have thought that they'd be more old-fashioned? (I'll be here all night, folks! Try the veal!)
***The writing itself isn't too bad, but there are some ridiculous lines in this book (see my examples above), and also, the shifting third-person point of view can get confusing at times.
***There are so many characters, and none of them are really developed well (no, not even Ty and Kelly, unless you call creating a one-dimensional alpha male and a Mary Sue "character development").
Anyway, if you find the blurb amusing and can get Eternal Pleasure on the cheap, it might be a fun (and quick) read for a rainy day, based on its sheer ridiculousness alone. But, otherwise, it's really not worth your time or hard-earned cash.